Grandma

My Grandma passed away on Sunday, August 3rd.

A strong woman, extremely opinionated. A tender heart, she cried at the drop of a hat. Independent. Loved to take care of others but not be taken care of.

When Grandma battled breast cancer 7 years ago she did so largely on her own. She didn’t want company during the treatments. When the cancer came back this year in her bones and lungs she remained independent until nearly the very end. Still making sure the dishwasher was loaded correctly and things were just in their place. Once the motorized cart that got her around was taken away and she was unable to get out of bed she was ready to be done.

I have wonderful memories of my Grandma. She had terrific stories of my brother and I when we were little too.

I admit there has been a growing apart over the years. Almost all my fault.

Grandma wasn’t a traditional Grandma. No cookies were baking when you came to visit. Although she was a wonderful cook and extremely hospitable. And Grandma had the vocabulary of a logger. But her kindness and generosity are unrivaled. Grandma worked very hard on the business side of the company her and Grandpa owned. Grandma always had an office in their home. It was our play area when we were little. Sent out to the office so the adults could visit.

The reason I give the most for my distance is I was afraid of her. She could be a little critical. Although she loved children she didn’t think people in general should have more than a couple. So I figured my group of four was out of bounds. I regret that. I didn’t put the time or effort necessary to be close to her since I’ve had the kids. My kids didn’t know her very well. They don’t know how fabulous her house was at Christmas. They don’t know how funny she could be. They don’t know how generous she was. They never heard any of her stories.

I haven’t been sad that she’s passing. Isn’t that horrible to say. The regret makes me cry though. What I wish I would have done. My mom says I’m her “glass-half-full-girl”, so I probably won’t live in regret too long. Watching the process from a distance does make me aware of things I want to do differently as my children and I grow up. I know the examples I will take from my Grandma’s life and what I’ll try to do my own way.

She was a fantastic lady, who will be missed by many. Including this granddaughter who loved her.

I'll write more later about the crazy and overwhelming and long week we had attending to all the craziness.